It’s official, Nintendo has lost its fucking mind.

I…I almost don’t know what to say to this but this picture sums up my thoughts quite nicely.

Right now. These people should be replaced by…anyone. Go outside and pick a few random people off of the street, hell, you could even bring in a small colony of monkeys and cut them loose in the offices. Anything would be an improvement at this point.

Why in the holy mother of fuck would you even consider charging for the services offered by the Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection? To be blunt, the Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection is hardly worth the price of admission as it is but, at the very least, I’m not paying for it so it’s not too hard to swallow. Now, that all changes since Nintendo has announced the “Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection Pay And Play.” The mere thought of paying for something as lackluster as the service offered on the Wii and DS Lite makes me sick to my stomach.

In the past, I haven’t been very vocal about how much I despise the Nintendo WFC but I figure now is as good a time as any to vent. My biggest problem with the service is not the lackof services. No, what really brings my blood to a boil is the “Friend Code” system, which is utterly convoluted in concept and even more so in execution. Instead of, God forbid, taking a page from Sony or Microsoft and creating a simple online infrastructure in which each user signs up for a single username that covers all games (ala the Playstation Network or Xbox Live), they choose instead to give each user a series of numbers (usually 12 or so) for them to memorize and hand out to friends. What fun that must be!

“Hey buddy, my Friend Code is 392847-496073! What’s yours?” I mean, that’s obviously much easier than telling your friend “Hey, my online name is The Game21x” right? Want to know the best part? You have a different Friend Code for each online game you play! Doesn’t that sound like fun? Worst of all, some games don’t even allow you to play online if you aren’t playing with friends.

Another of my many annoyances with the service is the incredible restrictions and regulations Nintendo is putting on developers who want to implement online functions in their games. It’s like they want to make their online services as user-unfriendly as possible. Communication in a Wii game is next to impossible or convoluted as all hell due to Nintendo’s restrictions. There are no games on the Wii that support voice chat, and even fewer that allow for even basic forms of text communication, even between friends.

As it stands now, there are…what…4 games on the Wii that support online multiplayer (Pokemon Battle Revolution, Battalion Wars 2, Mario Strikers Charged and Medal of Honor Heroes)? While there’s likely a few more I’ve missed, but the Wii’s online catalog is sorely lacking in comparison to its closest competitors, the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3.

All of these problems with the service, and all of a sudden you expect us to pay for it? Seriously? Please tell me this is all one big joke so I can have a good laugh and go back to respecting you again. I can stomach paying $50 a year for Xbox Live because at least Microsoft provides the illusion that I’m getting my money’s worth, and I’m placated by that. The only scenario in which I could see myself paying to play Wii games online is if Nintendo does a complete overhaul of the service and offers something similar to Xbox Live. This would mean a completely new policy on online play, and a release of the choke-chain currently around the necks of any developers wishing to develop online-capable games on the Wii.

Honestly, I don’t see any of those demands being met and as such, I will not be joining the “Pay And Play”party any time soon. Nintendo, I really hate to say this but you have devolved into a shadow of your former self. In this longtime gamer’s (and longtime Nintendo fan) opinion, Nintendo is, in a purely business sense, doing everything right with the Wii…while screwing gamers over in the process. I hate to be so blunt, but Nintendo needs a wake up call, and fast.